This is the first entry in my Droughtlander Diary. According to Dr. I. Fash YeKen, who first diagnosed me last year, I am suffering from a severe recurrence of what he has named Droughtlander Delusional Disorder. He suggested that it would be a good idea to start this diary so that I could write down my thoughts. I believe he thinks this would help me to see on paper how far my delusion has progressed and would be a sort of self intervention. I have no reason to think this will work but decided to give it a try anyway.
Today, I was listening to Pandora where I have a station set up for Outlander’s Skye Boat Song (the Jacobite version, of course.) Being that Pandora is what Pandora is, the station does not play entirely ALL Outlander music so I was feeling quite good about that. In fact, I can listen to a couple of tunes that are not from Outlander before the teeth gnashing, head banging and stomping begins. Anyway, as I was listening, the opening music from Sassenach (you know it…Outlander Season 1, Episode 1) began to play. As hard as I tried to refrain, I must admit to you, Dear Diary, that I could not help myself. At just the right moment, perfectly in time with the swell in the music, I started to recite Claire’s words.
“People disappear all the time.
Young girls run away from home.
Children stray from their parents and are never seen again.
Housewives take the grocery money, and a taxi to the train station.
Most are found eventually.
Disappearances, after all, have explanations.
Not only did I recite it along with the music, I used a British accent (if that is at all possible for a North Carolina girl) and used the exact same emphasis and expression as Claire. After I had completed the recitation, I felt so ashamed. I had given in once again to this wicked obsession, addiction, delusion – whatever you want to call this vile thing! It does appear to be growing worse as the days go by. But I willna fash. Confessions, Dr. YeKen has told me, are good for the soul. So, Dear Diary, this is my confession to you for today.
P.S. I do wonder about Dr. YeKen though and how well his advice can actually help me. He seems to be suffering from some type of Droughtlander condition himself. When I left him yesterday, he gave me a note to give to my husband detailing his recommendation for me to start this diary. The note was written on his prescription pad and the heading was “James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, PhD.”
I will visit him again next week for another session after which I will report back to you concerning his condition. I am hopeful he will be much improved.